Month: Jan 2023

Double Edged Sword

Double edged sword has always struck me as an odd expression. I am not a knight; King Charles take note. If I were, I guess sword fighting is no longer common. Mind you, at school I did do fencing. The amount of gardens I could enclose in an afternoon was outstanding… of course I don’t mean that kind of fencing. En Garde! Parry, lunge, riposte, feint, it was all second nature to me. After all, I did get my bronze certificate in fencing. They don’t give that out for nothing… oh they do. Swimming, fencing and English were the only subjects I enjoyed at school.

Where was I? A double edged sword. Care, what on earth has that got to do with fencing? My mind would make a fascinating study for someone doing psychology, so if you are studying…

Back to the subject at hand, Care, it is a ‘double edged sword.’ That’s what I was thinking. Then I thought, ‘aren’t all swords double edged?’ What do I know about swords and then I remembered I used to fence. You see, there is logic in there.

Right, care is a double edged sword. Are we all agreed? I haven’t even explained myself yet. How can you agree? OK, here we go, hang onto your seats. Buckle up, we are off on an adventure, or at least an idea or two.

When you need care and it is supplied. That is if you are able to find carers in these days of an underfunded and under paid care sector. When carers are as rare as hens teeth. But that’s another blog subject. When you do get carers you have a whole new… I was about to start singing ‘a whole new world,’ but I resisted, I bet you’re relieved. You have a whole new problem. I am not suggesting that the carers are a problem. Mind you, in the 9 years I have had care, they have not all been perfect. That’s me being kind. There have been a few issues. Let’s ignore that for now and look at the majority of carers who are brilliant. We will forget about the lady who turned up to do my care on a mobility buggy, then hobbled in with crutches! She stood there, both hands holding her up with crutches and asked, ‘what do you want me to do first?’ Answers on a postcard. Best to forget that. I obviously have no issue with disability, but we are slightly limited in the physical things we can do. So those of us severely limited ourselves, don’t make the best carers. Back to the subject at hand.

So, the good carers, walk in the door, unhindered. Having parked a car, not a mobility buggy, outside. Then it starts, or rather, it ends. You see, before you have care everything is different. If, like me, you have a partner, they may well be doing a lot, or all your care. That is really hard work for them. One of the main reasons for outside care, if you have complex needs, is to give your partner a break. As a couple, you get settled into a routine. You can get ready as and when you want. No one disrupts that routine. Whereas a carer has a set time to arrive and go. They come in, get you ready and leave. Things are worse if they arrive early or late.

The routine, or lack of it, that you have had, ends when care starts. Things change, which they probably need to. But that’s why it’s a double edged sword. Help and support is needed. Disruption to a routine is hard to adapt to. A new person in your house is difficult to get used to. Routines change and everything is turned on its head.

A new person in your home can feel like an invasion. Much as they are there to support and help, they are also unknown at first. Imagine a complete stranger coming into your house and starting to help you with intimate and personal things. Within a very short space of time they are doing things that most people would struggle to cope with. Who was the last person that wiped your bottom? Have you ever had anyone help you with washing and dressing?

OK, I have given you a glimpse at one side of the sword, the negative. Now the other, the positive. Having a good regular carer, that you get to know, is life changing. They can be so helpful, caring and supportive. In the past, down in Somerset, we had a group of carers who were brilliant. Now that we are in Hartlepool, we are setting things back up again. It can work really well with the right people.

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Visual diagnostics

I don’t know why we need doctors. The amazing visual diagnostic ability of the average person in the street is astounding. People can take one look at a disabled person and immediately know everything about their medical history and make a prognosis. More than that they can see if a person is in pain, tired, dizzy, having balance issues, feeling sick and a myriad of other symptoms all without any diagnostic scanners or instruments.

Yet can these aspiring doctors really be so perfect. Even the most skilled professionals with the best equipment don’t claim the diagnostic speed and accuracy of these amateurs.

Disease and illness are, in the most part, invisible. That might seem an odd thing for me to say. If you ever seen me, I am a full-time wheelchair user. So, you might think my disability is very visible. What we see on the outside, is a part of the effect that an illness or accident has on people’s bodies. It can even be the effect of treatment rather than the illness itself. It’s a bit like viewing an iceberg, you are only seeing a very small part of the whole.

Just to make it even harder to really grasp and understand an illness, disability, or the result of an accident: humans don’t show their full feelings. When you we are limited in some way we try and put on a brave face and push forward as hard as we can; smiling. You really do only see a tiny part of the whole picture.

There needs to be a mindset change in how to look at disabled and long term ill, people. I understand wheelchair use best, as that is how illness has limited me. But not everyone in a wheelchair is the same as me, I realise that. It is possible to need a wheelchair some of the time. It can be a means to travel further than their legs can carry them. That does not mean they are faking it. They need the chair to get around, in some cases that will be because day by day their condition varies. In others it will be because they can’t walk far. Cut them some slack. No one chooses a wheelchair for fun. Wheelchairs are uncomfortable, embarrassing, and difficult. You only have one if you need one. Wheelchairs, especially ones provided by the NHS; do not get issued unless you have a medical need.

Next time you see a wheelchair user be kind and understanding. You don’t know if you might end up in one in the future. Whether that is part time or all the time you will not find it fun. Don’t be quick to put on your doctor hat. Instead put on your caring hat and be understanding. Think, “there but for the grace of God, go I.” Be thankful, be considerate and be kind.

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Cobwebs in The Attic

So, you’ve just remembered that you might have stashed a Monet in the attic. Or did you forget to let your great aunt down when she popped up to there to find something… last year, or was it the year before. Then again, you might just have a whole load of cobwebs in your attic. Whatever is up there, you may decide that now is the time for a sort out. Find those hidden treasures, let your poor aunty down, get rid of those cobwebs.

You’ve guessed it, it is time to search the archives for all those wonderful blogs that need  a dust off and a polish up.

I am going to brush off the dust from a few blogs and polish them up. If I find any spiders, once I have stopped screaming, I will brush them away.

It’s like panning for gold, look out for these gems.

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