In A Galaxy Far, Far, Away…

Star Wars must be the most disabled conscious movie franchise ever. Unrealistic and silly, of course. But, it has so many disabled people in it. Some play really major roles and are completely unlimited by their disability. Just think of Darth Vader.

Never mind blades or artificial limbs. Take a look at the reconstructive surgery on Star Wars. This was ‘A long time ago,’ not just, a long time ago, but, ‘in a galaxy far, far, away.’ Obviously one that believed in equal access for all. Now it’s true, they had slaves and they went around blowing planets up. No ones perfect. They also didn’t have the best environmental record. Any civilization that has a complete planet as a city, has issues. Then take a look at the amount of metal and technology in their garbage disposal. What about all the stuff they jettison every time they go to light speed? Don’t get me started on their waste of energy. Heating massive empty spaces with ceilings that disappear out of view. Come on evil empire, join the energy saving nations of the universe.

As for health and safety. I don’t think they had thought of it. All those balconies on space stations without railings. The bridges that retract. Then when they do extend, they have no railings. As for the idea of having a power station in your living quarters with an open access to fall into. That’s just asking for trouble. The Evil Emperor did very well not falling into it long before Darth Vader threw him in. That was an accident waiting to happen. Pod racing? Well, it makes all the sports we have look suitable for kids.

But I am blogging about disability. Which is just as well. So I don’t need to look at any of that. Darth Vader is a disability hero. OK, so he may have murdered millions of people. He had his faults. But, he was severely disabled. Only half legs, half arms. Major lung problems. He doesn’t just sound breathless, he was. Yet as he strode around the battle stations. Strangling disobedient Admirals, he looked fit as a flea. It’s just as well he didn’t need to pass any PIP assessment. He would have failed.

Imagine the scene. He would have sent the form back. Truthfully saying that he had no legs below the knees. No arms beyond the elbows. Serious lung problems (COPD maybe?). But with PIP they are not interested in what you have, but what you can do. So they would ask. 1/ How far can you walk. DV would answer. ‘Don’t waste my time with your puny questions. I have a Death Star to inspect. The examiner would check the size of a Death Star and put the answer down as 6 miles+. 2/ Can you lift a bag of potatoes? DV I will rip that generator from the wall and throw it at you. The examiner will look at the generator and estimate the weight at 3 tonne and put, yes. The rest of the questions would go in a similar way. When Darth gets the PIP refusal letter, he would lift the examiner by his neck and say, ‘your lack of respect disappoints me.’

It’s not just Darth who is amazingly able in spite of disability. Luke Skywalker has a false hand. Yet you would never know it. Luke’s Uncle ends up in a flying wheelchair. I want one of those. Why aren’t they around, a long time later, far, far, nearer.

There are even characters whose only human organs seem to be a human heart. That gives a new meaning to a heart transplant. Maybe they do body transplants? Disabled people may not get a blue parking space on Star Wars. But they get flying wheelchairs, robotic parts and complete new robot bodies. I am not queueing up to go to that universe. I don’t fancy everything that goes with it. But if I could pick and choose. Then either a new working body. Or failing that a flying wheelchair.

Oh well, A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… they had some crazy ideas about disability.

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