Month: Sep 2021

Stranger Than Truth

We have been watching Vera, the ITV detective series, not some random lady down the road. It’s amazing how fast everything moves in a detective drama. The other night was one of my favourites for speed. Vera wanted ‘armed response’ and ‘all units’ to some remote location. Because it suited the plot, they didn’t want Vera on her own at that point. Vera was in front, driving her beat up old Land Rover, she led the convoy of marked and unmarked cars including armed response. Obviously, that’s how it would happen in reality. If you need ‘armed response’ they would take up the rear and let an unarmed, and unprotected Vera go first. They had all responded, gathered and lined up behind Vera on a country lane in time to charge off after the criminals within minutes. At least she called on her radio and next thing they were there. Perhaps they ‘beamed in.’ You can’t buy that kind of entertainment; oh, wait a minute, yes you can.

At other points, forensics comes through faster than the speed of light or so slow you think it’s been held up by a ship on The Suez Canal. All depending on the plot needs. Bits of information turn up at just the right moment. Vera has blinding flashes of inspiration. Although, I do think she should have more blinding headaches given that she seems to drink more alcohol than she has food. Which is another point. This is a current police drama, yet she seems to be allowed to drink on duty, including at work! No one seems to be above her, yet she’s only a chief inspector. She breaks rules and is never brought to book. One time she actually said she can do what she wants. I bet Morse wished that was true for him.

For all of it’s plot and character weaknesses I love the series. It feels like they have taken a police procedural series from the 1970’s, added a dash of amateur detective to it and then a whole heap of fun. They are not bothered about accuracy or time lines. It’s just a good old fashioned murder mystery romp. That seems a very strange thing to say about a series that is about murder, but it is fiction and very obviously so.

Another reason I love watching it is the locations. Being filmed around the North East I often recognise the places. They stick Hartlepool in very often and in very incongruous ways. Of course, it’s not meant to be Hartlepool. The other week they used a couple of Hartlepool General Hospital Wards in an episode set in Northumberland.

If you have never seen the series, I hope I have piqued your interest. It is worth watching, it’s light entertainment. It’s certainly stranger than truth.

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Incey, Wincey, Spider

I woke this morning to a rather fast visitor. Not a welcome one at that. I was reading on my tablet and I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. It’s not just T rex that is good at spotting movement. I have noticed that any movement in my peripheral vision gets my attention. This black streak caught my attention. It was streaking in all senses. At least I have never seen a spider wearing clothes. Not that I wish to cast aspersions on arachnids in general. But as far as I know they are nudists. In fact, I believe that goes for the insect world in general. Thinking about it, that goes for animals too. Except the ones kept as pets; which owners decide to dress up.

I may be a little late here: Warning, if you are frightened of spiders do not read this blog. Good, I’ve covered all the safety issues. If you are having a panic attack you can’t blame me.

Anyway, I caught sight of a spider streaking, metaphorically and literally across my floor. I thought, “hang on, I have not read any safety notice warning me that a spider would appear on my floor. I am a little nervous of spiders.” You’ll notice that I don’t say scared. I am a big butch bloke. Bigger than I used to be, mostly around the waist. Although that doesn’t seem to make me any more brave. But, after all, “big boys don’t cry,” I remembered that through the tears. Of course I wasn’t crying, I was far too scared for that. I wanted to keep an eye on my early morning visitor. Tears would have made that difficult.

Did I tell you how huge it was? Now all those of you who share my nervousness about spiders may need a lie down. I already was of course. I said out loud to the spider, “now, if you just stay under my bed,” by now it had hidden under there, “then you and I need not come to blows.” I think it understood, because it stayed quiet. At least I couldn’t see or hear it.

You can come out now. I’m saying that to all of you who are hiding, not to the spider, who I assume is still hiding under my bed in embarrassment. Obviously, he or she, I’m not being sexist. Are spiders ambidextrous? Or is that ambi-sexual? Or do I mean non sexual. No, wait, I seem to remember some female spiders kill the male after sex. That must be a downer. “How was it?…argggh…that bad” So the male or female spider, who is hiding under my bed is maybe waiting for the cover of darkness to cover their embarrassment. Then they will go off and do what spiders do. This is where all of you smart people, who view Spring Watch, Winter Watch and Autumn Watch can tell me what that is. I am assuming that they go out to work? Or have a party? Presumably as they are all nudists, there is a spider nudist beach? I’m just guessing here. So long as it leaves me alone. What I don’t want is to wake up in the night face to face with my friendly neighbourhood spider, comic book reference there. After all, it’s not that I would be scared, oh no. Absolutely paralysed with fear, would be closer to the mark.

Why is that you ask?  It’s a huge spider! At least an inch long. Maybe an inch and a half. But those legs make it seem so much bigger. I wouldn’t mind if it just sat there and told me jokes. Or sat in an armchair and watched TV. But why does it have to run across the floor in that totally unnecessary fashion. Wiggling those hairy legs all over the place. I apologise to all the arachnophobes here. Any of you that are still with me, are still breathing and have not been carted off to hospital that is. Look, if I can write this; you can read it.

I’m not going to get a wink of sleep you know. Still, I shall call out again, “spider, you leave me alone and we can get along just fine.” Do you think that will work? I’m not listening.

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Ship Ahoy

I feel like a captain on the bridge of his ship. Yes, that’s right, illusions of grandeur. Yesterday, for the first time, I was able to sit on our new patio and look out of the hinged opening we had cut in our fence. Don’t get too excited, you’ll need a lie down. Try breathing slowly, take a drink of water. If that doesn’t work then walk around slowly. Where was I, oh yes, telling you something really exciting. As I sat in my wheelchair on our new patio. I know sitting may not seem exciting at first; but let’s get warmed up. As I sat in my wheelchair, I looked. I told you things would hot up. Looking, now there is something that has a whole load of exciting possibilities.

People look at volcanoes, pods of whales, their new born child, an exciting air show, their first love, well the list goes on.  You can see that looking, albeit from a wheelchair, has a lot of exciting possibilities.

Mary brought me a cup of coffee. Where did that come from? I was looking a minute ago. What was I looking at? It was a very nice cup of coffee by the way. I know that all of you quick thinkers have jumped ahead and already think you know what I was looking at; wrong. It was not dogs walking on the beach, I mean, it was not ships at sea. You see, the title was misleading, well it misled me anyway.

As I sat on our new patio in my wheelchair, cup of coffee in hand, I looked out at the sunrise. Mary had seen it out of the window upstairs and come to fetch me to enjoy the view from the garden. The sight was amazing. There were people on the beach photographing it. As we sat there; did I mention Mary sat down too? We felt so blessed to be there. I felt so glad that I had access via a path and patio to the end of the garden. There were a lot of positive feelings around.

Oh yes, ships. The HMS Dragon is doing some manoeuvres at the moment nearby and we can see that from our patio too. The Chinook helicopters re-supplying it fly overhead. It is all like a free air show. All laid on for the completion of our patio so that I have things to view; ship ahoy.

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