Lovely day

As I sit in the conservatory at Cleve Spa Coffee shop, the tune playing in the main area is “Lovely day.” Our wedding was before the days of home video cameras being common place; the early 1980’s. But a friend made an 8mm cine of the glorious event, now copied digitally of course. He used the song “Lovely day” as a backing track at the beginning, while Mary and I were getting ready.

Mary and I fell in love the moment our eyes met. I was going to say across a crowded room but that would be cliché. Besides it was in her office. I went to do some voluntary work for her as a photographer. She was a Hearing Therapist at Stoke Mandeville Hospital, I was waiting for a new job to start and at a loose end. She needed photos to illustrate her talks and I was a keen amateur photographer. Between jobs at a photographic studio in London and an electronics distribution office in Aylesbury. Quite a change and another story.

I asked Mary to marry me after we had gone out for 2 weeks, I left it so long as I didn’t want to rush into it. Mind you our parents insisted we waited a year before we got married. Now 37 years later I think things have worked out OK from our love at first sight marriage. I will pause here for the oohs and ahhs. Or is this too sugary and sweet for you?

The film of our wedding starts with a shot of two houses next to each other, Mary’s parents, where she was getting ready and their neighbours, where I was preparing. My mum pops her head out of the door of Mary’s parents house. Presumably checking the coast is clear for Mary to go to the hairdresser. I really don’t know. She could have been checking the weather.

The scene changes to an impossibly young man trying on a jacket and adjusting his tie. I think it might be me. I look so thin I am almost invisible sideways on. Then we move to a shot of Mary, her mum and sister. Veils are being tried out over the wedding dress. It’s all very romantic and very 1980’s in fashion.

Next we see the Methodist Church where we were married. Mary’s brother is playing the organ. ‘Only fools rush in’ not a song I knew at the time. I didn’t even know it went on to say “I can’t help falling in love with you.” I thought he was just being ironic, because I’d asked Mary to marry me so quickly.

I remember that day so well. My knees knocked so loudly people at the back went to answer the door. I was so rigid with fear I couldn’t even turn to face Mary as she walked up the aisle. I wanted the floor to swallow me up, I was so nervous. But, I was also very happy to be marrying the woman I loved. At the reception my speech, which was the first bit of public speaking I had ever done, should have indicated to me never to repeat it. I listen to the film recording ever since in horror. No one would believe I would go on to speak to crowds of hundreds both in the open air and in large halls. When I have spoken since I have been as nervous as on that day, but I’ve learnt to control it better. I have also been taught to speak from my chest not my nose since that day. I can’t replicate the way I spoke at the wedding, just as well.

One of the many things I miss, being limited by health, is public speaking. Specifically what a lot of people would call preaching. Although that term has gained a negative meaning to most people. We say “don’t preach at me.” Meaning, don’t tell me what to do. Or we talk about preaching, meaning people who stand on the streets shouting condemnation at passers by. Telling them they are going to hell. Neither description fits what I do.

When I preach, or as I would rather describe it, talk about God. I share about God’s love. How we all fail and need help. How God knows that, and wants to reach out to us through Jesus. I share about Jesus, who says “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

I saw a cartoon on facebook recently that was an atheist view of life, after leaving religion. It showed a line of people under umbrellas in the rain. One in the middle, supposedly having left religion, was putting down their umbrella and finding it was not raining. I found it very funny to see a cartoon depicting the exact opposite of reality. Life can feel very tough without God. We can feel inadequate and try to measure up to standards of the world that are impossible to meet. We end up feeling stressed, overworked, overwhelmed and desperate. The image of rain captures that feeling quite well. Then when we turn to God, through Jesus, it’s as if a weight is lifted from us. It feels like the sun starts to shine, even in the dark. Some people describe it as like a new life. If that is preaching, then I am guilty. What I don’t do is condemnation or judgment.

On our wedding day I managed to break my cufflinks cutting the cake. Why I was using my cufflinks to cut the cake? I don’t know. Actually I was holding Mary’s hands over the top of a knife handle as we attempted to cut the cake. We forgot where the soft part of the icing was. So we were pressing too hard. Rather than just mark the icing we were determined to cut the cake. All the pressure on the hard royal icing with two pairs of hands pressing down broke my cufflinks. My dad gave me his spare pair, which I still have.

Earlier in the day I had taken photos of Mary while she was being photographed by the professional. On the film you see me in the walking backwards motor drive firing, taking multi shots of Mary, looking very cool. Mind you the most impressive bit of photography I did at a wedding was when I married my sister. No there was no incest. I was able to conduct her marriage as a Methodist Minister in training at the time, in the 1980’s. But, as I also volunteered to take her wedding photos I pronounced the final blessing, then ran, I mean processed speedily, ahead of the bride and groom down the aisle so I could photograph them walking down. I wasn’t in as many photos as would normally be expected.

Back to our wedding. One other funny thing happened. On arrival at the church Mary and her Dad arrived without attendant bridesmaids and the photographer wanted to capture them arriving. The chauffeur kindly obliged in preventing Mary’s train from getting dirty. He carefully ducked behind Mary and her Dad, trying to keep out of sight, holding the train. The problem being he was very tall and large, whereas Mary and her Dad are shorter and slight. They were not designed to hide him. Somehow he was invisible on the photos. But he is beautifully captured ducking behind them up the driveway to the church on the Cine film. It is a very funny sight as he impersonates Quasimodo, with Mary and her Dad apparently oblivious in front.

While on the subject of weddings we once went to a family wedding where the announcement at the speeches was, “my Lords, Ladies and gentlemen.” No I am not showing off, the Queen wasn’t there, she was busy.

I can’t believe that as I finish this blog we are still at the Spa. We have had a light lunch and an afternoon drink, so perhaps that’s alright. What a lot of memories are triggered by a song.

Author: Mike Nevin

I decided to write about the funny side of being cared for. I am a full time wheelchair user with daily carers. It's my experiences with my carers that inspired this blog.

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