Not so public convenience (Updated)

(This blog designed to advise and help, it is humorous, but also factual. It may cause you to blush)

Wheelchairs are brilliant machines for transport. Power wheelchairs in particular have transformed my life. But a wheelchair is after all still a chair. Think about a chair, you sit on it, it has a solid seat, and no hole in it. So, imagine that you are a man and you need a wee. I guess it may be worse for a woman. You may not want to imagine it, you might prefer to think of something else, I am trying to help for those who would find this useful. These are everyday realities of being disabled. Let’s forget for a moment if you need to do anything more than a wee, that’s a whole other area.

You are sitting down, and you need to wee. Well you might think, there are urine bottles you can use. True, there are. Think then about Wheelchairs, they are narrow, the width of your bottom typically, so your legs are together. Still with me? Maybe you need to act this out in your head. Where does the urine bottle go? If you can put it in the right place how do you ensure, no leaks at a 90-degree angle without injury to yourself. Perhaps you are beginning to see the issue. It is possible but not easy, after all it can be done. Then imagine you are on a train in the disabled space. The train companies give much more space these days for wheelchairs. But typically wheelchair spaces face the rest of the seats. That is also true on many buses. Perhaps we are expected to entertain the crowds while we are there. Getting back to relieving oneself, I don’t really fancy entertaining the other passengers by using a urine bottle in front of them, or under a blanket with everyone wondering what I am doing. It would be a little off putting. Talk about performance anxiety. Fortunately, there is an alternative and I found out about it after I had struggled with urine bottles in wheelchairs for years.

You might think how can Mike share such intimate details publicly. But, if I do maybe I can help others. I didn’t know about these things. I have had to struggle finding out. If my embarrassment can speed up the help for others, then so be it.

The alternative is a Conveen. I believe there are various makes, but I only know about the one I have used. Coloplast Conveens. They are external catheters. Normally catheters go inside the urinary tube in either a man or woman. Conveens, which I think are only available for men, fit on the outside. They look like a condom, but they have an open end with a fitting for a tube to go to a urine bag. They are adhesive, I will come back to that as it causes some fun fitting them. The bags come in two types, ones that attach to your leg and ones that attach to your bed or directly to your wheelchair.

Remember I said Conveens are adhesive, so they must stick all around to prevent leaks. Obviously, you need the right size. Yes, they send you a device to measure the diameter of your manhood. After you have recovered from the disappointment of the fact you are average, boasted in the fact you are large or wept over the fact you are small. You can order them. When I phoned the surgery to give them my size, I had a very funny conversation.

Prescription line lady, “what size do you need?”

Me, “30mm”

Prescription line lady, “is that length.”

Amazed silence from me, then “no, that’s diameter.”

I feel like I should wait a few minutes at this point while all the guys reading this, finish measuring. By the way the diameter range available is 21 to 40mm. Who knew such things eh? Or who wanted to.

There is a special measuring device (See picture below):

Fitting a Conveen, is, let’s say tricky. Think adhesive, hair, preparation adhesive, yes they give you a preparation wipe of extra adhesive. So, everything is sticky. You really need the two pairs of hands you have with a carer to fit it successfully. If you get it right and don’t catch all your hairs in it. Then connect the tube right, it works great. Much better than any urine bottle.

I would say if you are someone who needs to use a Conveen, read the instructions carefully and follow the advice of the rep to the letter. I ignored one bit of advice and realised afterwards why it was important.

Below is a picture of a Conveen sheath, the part that fits over your manhood. It’s rolled up in its package so you can only see the top that connects to the tube, that then goes to the urine bag (see photo below the Conveen) the ribbed part is a strain relief or air gap. This is where I went wrong. It’s important to flatten all this part with your thumb and fingers when fitting so none of your manhood goes into any of it. If it does, then that strain relief part, with the ribbing just acts as a pinching device, not nice. The only bit that goes over your manhood can’t be seen in the photo, it’s all rolled up and sticky. It unrolls as applied. Glue on glue, very sticky. Hence no leaks. So long as you apply it right and have the size right, no boasting. (Also note, there are two lengths available, so check you get the appropriate length, no comment).

Next step you connect the tube from the urine bag and attach it by straps to your leg. Make sure when attaching it to allow for expansion, after all it will get filled up. The urine bags come in different sizes and will need emptying, so leave the drain tap accessible and check it’s closed. It’s easy to accidentally knock it open if your carer pushes it back under your trouser leg after draining. By which you will realise they have a drain tap at the bottom and your carer or partner has the enjoyable job of draining it, see photo below.

Conveen sheath in its package. Note the ribbed section, avoid inserting your manhood into this bit by squashing the top of sheath when putting it on.

Leg bag, pipe at top connects to the sheath, see below for close up of the drainage tap

Note, make sure tap is closed after draining.

At the end of the day you may be thinking, but how do you remove a sticky rubber thing from such a delicate area. Your eyes may be watering in anticipation. Don’t panic, they thought of that. There is a non stinging release spray that is amazingly effective at removing the glue. It’s a pain free process.

This is the glue remover spray.

Have I freaked everyone out sufficiently and caused everyone to need a lie down or at the very least some counselling? Seriously, I hope I have helped to explain and clarify some things and point you in a helpful direction.

Let me just emphasise these Conveens have been life changing for me. I can only recommend the Coloplast ones as they are the only ones I have tried. They sent me samples to try first. They work brilliantly, the only failure I had was when I applied it wrongly the first time. Every other time since I have had no issues. So follow the instructions carefully.

I read this blog our at a writers group in Wellington and one big issue that became apparent was, what about women? There are internal personal catheters for women, but that is not as easy or convenient.

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